seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
