you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
