So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
