I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
