I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
