You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
