i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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