that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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