i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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