you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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