If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
