just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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