I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
