So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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