Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
