So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
