her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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