Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
