i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
