If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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