He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
