The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
