Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
