that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
