I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
