Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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