You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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