some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
