She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
