you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
