How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
