Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
