Sry I called you an 8
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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