I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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