i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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