no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
