I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
