Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize