all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
