I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
