I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
