oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
