I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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