i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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