And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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