Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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