if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
