from now on my penis is your penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
