the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
