I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
