just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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