My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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