DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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