just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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