I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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