Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
