I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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