you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
