You smell like a Billy Joel song
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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