12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
