I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
