Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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