I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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