You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
