Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
