i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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